Roses, wine, a Boyz II Men CD, candles, champagne, and chocolates. A clichéd list that I’m sure a lot of ladies are familiar with.
Romance. Which, just like most things, is subjective. I’m sure there are a fair number of ladies who would laugh out loud if their boyfriend or husband laid rose petals on the bed in the shape of a heart, but there’s probably an equal number of ladies who would swoon. For me, I think romance can be pretty simple. We’re not talking about the dates as seen on The Bachelor (who really takes a helicopter ride to a private island for a private dinner, a display of fireworks, and a never ending supply of wine). Romance, for one, involves being thoughtful. I once had a boyfriend come visit me on my birthday, promptly fall asleep all afternoon and take me to a crap restaurant down the street because it was close to the apartment. He hadn’t thought the day through at all, and even worse, made me feel like it was the least important day there ever was. Obviously, that boyfriend is an ex-boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong—my idea of romance is simple, and it could be as casual as a picnic on the beach, bringing me flowers when I’m sick, making a lovely meal or leaving me notes—as long as it’s something that shows a bit of thought went behind it, that you think the person you’re with is special, and the gesture is sincere. But romance isn’t necessarily something we can all agree on, so I’ve enlisted the help of five other ladies around the office who have experience with both the good and the bad.
Romantic: The little things. Remembering a gal’s favourite food/movie/song/flower. Surprise her when she’s had a bad day with stuff like that. I think romantic gestures should be used not necessarily on special occasions, but just when a gal needs to feel special, a little pick-me-up! Also, romance should always include delicious treats.
Not Romantic: When a guy thinks he is doing something romantic, but it’s really just something he wants to do. For example, sitting on the floor of your parent’s living room, eating take-out, watching your favourite team play, on our one-year anniversary is NOT ROMANTIC. Also note: there were no delicious treats involved.
Romantic: A night that involves watching a romantic comedy while eating pancakes for dinner and having someone play with my hair or give me a back massage (that’s normal, right?). OR! I think it would be really romantic to take a blanket and go watch fireworks somewhere – bonus points for bringing snacks and champagne. I also find fairy lights very romantic, in any situation.
Not romantic: A guy showed up to my apartment on Valentine’s Day with flowers and chocolates and told me he loved me. I had broken up with him months earlier, and I had already told him that I did not want to see him. But, like the stalker he was, he ignored my wishes and showed up anyways. Men need to know – if it’s UNWANTED attention, it’s not romantic. In fact, it’s probably illegal.
Romantic: I’m a huge Blue Jays fan, so surprise me with Jays tickets, take me for a hotdog, and after the game a walk on the beach. I like a random phone call during the week just to say hi, or getting a cute card in the mail (yup…snail mail!). I don’t like a dozen roses, but surprise me with one sunflower and I’ll be the happiest girl.
Not Romantic: Calling/texting 24/7 keeping tabs on where you are, how you’re doing, what you ate for breakfast…. I know you care, but don’t ask me 50 million questions, you’re not my dad! Showing up in Niagara Falls after you tell him you’re going for the weekend with your girlfriends is NOT COOL!
Romantic: Let’s be honest here. Romance can absolutely come from the cheesy formula we see on the Bachelor, that’s why we all watch it, and that formula works well for special occasions like anniversaries or Valentine’s Day. [editor’s note: Differing opinions: this is why I’ve enlisted help from the other ladies, but I do kind of agree on the special occasion bit. Note, no helicopter involved though!] But if you want to go the distance with someone, you better figure out a way to feather your love nest more than once or twice a year. I think it’s important not to confuse romance with gestures that make your relationship healthy. Doing your laundry, picking up your favourite food for dinner, letting you watch Say Yes to the Dress when a hockey game is on– that’s not romance; it’s the give and take of any good relationship that spells longevity. Those are the moments when you think, this is why I chose you. What I do find romantic is time set aside for just the two of you. A morning spent in bed, a weekly activity you decide to do together, or spontaneously dancing in the kitchen when your favourite song comes on. Those are the moments when you think, this is why I love you.
Not Romantic: I’m a big believer in being yourself in a relationship, but I also think that too many a couple walk the fine line between comfort and laziness. Not romantic is becoming the most disgusting version of yourself just because you can. To put bluntly, try not to forget that your lady is a lady, and what happens in a locker room, should stay there.
Romantic: Romance to me is many things. Mostly it has to do with the intention in the act more than the act itself. It’s surprising someone with something that is thoughtful and intimate; with something that took time and love to prepare. Whether it’s a meal, or a card, or a song, or just a drive to a beautiful view, it’s something that the moment you receive it, you know that the person was thinking of only you every second they created it.
So with all of this, and with all of these different ideas, it seems like Jason could be up against a lot. But at the heart of it, I think if he is sincere in his efforts, his girl will know that. For all of us gals around the office, romance boils down to a few things: sincerity, thoughtfulness, simplicity, and feeling special. I think Jason will be able to handle all that! And to help him, his romance expert will be Jackie, a newlywed who had a beautiful, stunning, and very romantic wedding! Jason will also be consulting Straight Talk, No Chaser by Steve Harvey—a man who definitely knows more than a thing or two about the ladies! But let’s keep our fingers crossed—this could be Jason’s most difficult challenge yet!
Asking if you’ll accept this rose,
Jessica
Follow me on twitter @jofftheshelf
Any advice for Jason? What is your idea of romance? Let us know, Jason needs your help!
